Sometimes living a real life on a budget is no fun and sometimes it can feel a little embarrassing. I mean, who really wants to put their kids in hand-me-downs or heck, who really wants to go shopping at Goodwill for themselves?
Oh wait. That’s me and my family. We wear clothes from Goodwill, consignment sales, the clearance rack, ThredUp *, and Schoola *.
A few weeks ago when registering our boys for pre-K, a very nice woman asked about the character on Conner’s shirt. We literally have no idea who this character is as we don’t have cable and haven’t been to a movie theater in 5 years, so I was a little embarrassed to admit that the shirt came from Goodwill and that we had no idea who the character was.
Why was I embarrassed? I mean, she was simply asking a question about the character on my son’s shirt and I didn’t know the answer. Why was I immediately feeling like a pauper and like a terrible mom?
It’s silly really, but honestly I was feeling completely ashamed. I felt like a fraud because here I was putting my kids in private pre-k, but I couldn’t afford to put them in nice new clothes? But here’s the reality – we can afford to put our kids in pre-k because we live by a budget and avoid paying full price for clothes that are just going to get stained, ripped, and grown out of in a few months.
We couldn’t afford it if we spent all our money dressing our kids (or ourselves) in the latest and greatest fashions. We would in fact struggle to meet our debt-payoff and savings goals. We would even struggle to afford our regular life if all our money was going towards clothing for 4.5 people (in case you’re new here, I’m pregnant with our third kiddo 🙂 ).
Most of the time we see budgets as restrictive and in some ways they can be, especially when you’re in the trenches of financial hell, but budgets are actually the guidebook for your money. A budget just doesn’t tell your money where to go every month, it tells you where you can and cannot spend money. It let’s you know, “hey, you’re going to have to get a little creative this month if you’re going to purchase back to school supplies because you’ve got too much budgeted for going out to eat this month and not enough for school supplies”.
To me, that’s a budget giving you not only a much-needed reality check, but it’s also letting you know that sure, you can go out to eat 3 times this week if you want to – the money’s there, but you aren’t going to have enough left over to pay for your children’s school supplies, clothes, or any other necessary items.
If you’re struggling with this whole budgeting thing and sometimes feel embarrassed about things that you really shouldn’t feel embarrassed at all about, you’re not alone. I’m right there with you and so is my family. Sometimes my husband hates it when he wants to start a new building project but can’t because there’s no room in the budget. Other times, I hate having to get super creative with our meals because there’s not enough room left in the grocery budget for those steaks that are sale.
Sometimes my boys get sad when they cannot get that toy, movie, or sugary cereal because it’s not in the budget. Sometimes my dog hates us because we cannot afford to buy her, her favorite treats. Living life by a budget isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s embarrassing when we start feeling judged (even if it is just made up in our heads), but in the end it’s so worth it.
In the end, you will have more money because you know how much money you actually have and don’t have. In the end, you will be able to provide better opportunities for you and your family because you know how to manage your money to make the impossible, possible.
Have you ever felt embarrassed or ashamed because you are on a tight budget? What encouragement can you offer someone struggle with that same feeling of defeat?
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We currently make well over six figures a year (until I quit my job on Friday, anyway), but because of our massive student loan debt we can’t afford anything. When we have to admit to people that we can’t afford something, they look at us like we are crazy. I generally just shrug and say “between student loans and daycare, we are tapped out”. But it’s not pleasant to admit it!
I hate student loan debt -if I had to name one regret in my life it would be that. I swear they don’t make it easy to pay off early and actually encourage you to pay for the whole term instead of early. You are rocking it Kirsten and congratulations on quitting your job tomorrow! 🙂 (I don’t know why, but that just made me think of Jon Acuff)
Can’t say that I have ever been embarrassed by living on a budget. The peace of mind and contentment we have since becoming debt free trumps what others may think of our lifestyle.
LOVE that Lori!!!!!! Congratulations on being debt-free! That is amazing! 🙂
I am happy you shared this! You are making wise money decisions based on your goals and priorities and there is NO shame in that!
We are also planning on putting our children in private school, but it will be very hard to afford!! For me, I almost feel like I need to add the disclaimer that their clothes were cheap or bought on clearance. It’s going to be a struggle to afford school. For some reason I would rather have people know that we do skimp and save because the Christian education is important to us. I don’t want people to think that we are rolling in cash and have it easy and so we can send our kiddos to private school. So I may need an attitude check on that. 😉 It will be a huge sacrifice, but will be worth it.
You hit the nail on the head Emily! I struggle so much with feeling like I have to justify us sending our boys to private school and then follow it up with that we are throwing every extra dollar at the debt-monster. I really shouldn’t care what others think of me, but sometimes that is just so gosh darn hard!
I am so proud of you! It can be embarrassing to say no or explain why you can’t do something. Of course I have the opposite problem I can’t stop telling people about the great deals I find at Goodwill! L.L. Bean dress for $1!!
Hahhahaha! I LOVE Goodwill — especially the ones that are in “uppy” parts of town because they have the best clothing for so cheap! 🙂
I hear ya. My husband and I live by a tight budget, as did my parents growing up. We shopped at Goodwill for all of our clothes and you know what? I was never ashamed until I had a classmate make me feel ashamed. I loved walking into Goodwill with my $20 for new clothes (for the whole school year) and often leaving with a brand new wardrobe. I was in about 6th or 7th grade when a classmate said she liked my shirt and I proudly proclaimed that I purchased it at Goodwill for $0.75. She made me feel 3 inches tall. We weren’t poor growing up, my parents were just smart with money. Same with my husband and I. I don’t see the point in spending a fortune on kids clothing when it likely going to have be replaced in under a year.
I love that Sarah! And you are so right, there is no point in spending a ton of money on clothes that are just going to be used and out-grown in a year or less. 🙂
I hate that you or any reader would be embarrassed! You need to reset your mind around this matter. It’s not that you “can’t afford” the latest greatest fashion. You are choosing to spend your money on YOUR priorities. For that you should never feel embarrassed!!
My whole family went on a trip to Disney this year. They begged us to go. While I do want to someday give that experience to my kids (myself too since I’ve never been!), our priority was to buy a home. I could have absolutely plunked down a wad of cash and joined them on their trip. The money was there in our savings. My husband and I looked over all of our finances and CHOSE to continue saving for a house that we will live in for the next 15 years. We passed on the trip. My family tried to make me feel guilty for denying my children of this oh so important “right” of childhood. But guess what? We closed on our home a month after their trip was a distant memory! Now we are focusing on making some improvements on our home and then next on the agenda will be a family vacation!
That is awesome that y’all chose that! A home is far better than Disney in my opinion. 🙂
Congratulations for the new kiddo 🙂
We don’t watch cable and my daughter has no clue how most of the Disney characters are. OK, she’s one year and a half, but we don’t plan on spending more money on these branded items, she doesn’t watch TV etc. It’s OK, as long as the kids are clothed, fed and taken care of, it’s not a huge deal they are not updated with all these millions of characters 😀
Hahhahaha! I know, I can’t keep up with the ever-changing characters! I’m like, wait who are these yellow squarish things with goggles? 🙂
like Kirsten, I’ll admit that sometimes it’s hard to admit that we don’t have the budget for something, especially since it doesn’t really fit with who we may seem to be on the surface. My husband and I are both educated (two gad degrees – and the loan to pay for them – between us) professionals, with a household income in the six figures. But we’ve made some bad choices, and at one point had some bad luck (a layoff) that set us back from where we “should” be.
I try to remind myself that many people who appear to have more things/different spending priorities, may actually be digging into a lot of debt to pay for them. There’s really no reason for comparison – although that can be easier said than done!
So true Amy! I think y’all are awesome for working so hard to stick to your budget and money goals! And I hope more and more people can admit when something isn’t in the budget because I truly believe that it helps others think/realize that they may not have the money in the budget either. 🙂
I wish everyone in the world could read this post. I grew up in Soviet Union where we had nothing, absolutely nothing. But to be honest, my childhood was beautiful and I didn’t miss out anything. No child or adult should ever feel embarrassed living on a budget. It is a lifestyle. Prioritizing is good. And it is totally worth it for sure.
Thank you so much Reelika! 🙂 I find it fascinating that you grew up in the Soviet Union! One of my neighbors grew up in the USSR (now Southern Russia) and was just telling me the other day about growing up there and how she never really realized that she grew up poor because she had such an amazing childhood. I love hearing stories like this! 🙂
I totally get this! We live in a very affluent area to get our kids into a great school system, therefore our mortgage is a little higher than ideal. We’re also single income. And we live without credit cards. Three decisions we made because we feel it will benefit our family the most. But it is SO hard when friends (and judgy parents at school) don’t understand why we don’t have brand new cars, designer clothing, a house full of stuff and an Amazon box on the doorstep everyday. It’s hard, but we know it’s best for us.
BTW, I just discovered your blog and I love it!
I remember when I was a kid, I “knew” that a certain girl in my class was “rich” that I told my mom “I don’t know why her parents drive that old ugly truck instead of nice new car since they’re so rich and have a huge house”. My mom reminded me that “people value different things – some value living in a huge house but don’t care about the car they drive. Some value getting a great education and don’t care about the size of the house they live in. Everyone’s different and we can’t judge them for what they value.” and you just brought that point home Mandy! 🙂 Thank you so much for reminding me of that! I love that you know what will benefit your family and are doing such an amazing job! 🙂
It’s so interesting how my attitude changes from minute to minute. Within my circle of friends I’ll happily brag about getting a shirt for $1 or post on facebook about getting soccer cleats for my son for next to nothing, but as I think about the upcoming school year I start to get nervous for my kids because we’re in a new area that is more affluent and I worry about them fitting in. It’s such a balance because my kids don’t pick up on it and they’re super proud about getting good deals. I want to keep it that way so it’s up to me to keep my worries to myself, I guess!
I’m the same way Kristina! My attitude can definitely change given my surroundings. Sometimes it’s so difficult to keep my eyes focused on what’s more important but you’re doing a great job of helping your kiddos realize their value isn’t in their clothing! 🙂
I understand what you mean. I grew up in an extremely wealthy area where my parents were stretched very thin although they made a household income of 200k/yr. I used to dread going to school and felt the need to keep up with the Jones’. I rarely pay attention to materialistic items as an adult now, and I’m much happier for it. I think its great that you have a friend circle that understands, and fully accepts, you bragging about getting a good deal! Allow the right people around you that fit your real lifestyle and make you feel proud of it. Everyone outside of that doesn’t deserve to make you feel bad about your (probably already awesome) life.
Thank you so much for the encouragement Julia! And I love that you work so hard to avoid the Jones’! 🙂
When my children were young, I shopped resale stores, Goodwill, and garage sales. When school was about to start, we would go through and pick out what still fit, filled in the list of needs with thrifty finds. They got one new outfit, package of socks, undies, and shoes. Everything was cooked from scratch. I learned how to cut hair. Entertainment was a sideboard of homemade goodies ranging from pies to brownies and fabulous games of Monopoly. These are my children’s favorite memories now that they are grown. The fond ‘memories’ that made for valuable lessons in their adult lives. Nobody was embarrassed, but they were all very thankful. Next time just answer “we don’t know anything about the character, my son just liked the shirt.” You don’t owe an explanation beyond that.
We have always lived on a budget and now that my children are young adults (21 and 17), it is really paying off. This spring we spent a week in Ireland. Of course, we went in March when it was much less expensive, but we had a great time. I always tell myself to keep my eyes on the prize, not the people. Living simply is much more rewarding than having a bunch of stuff that you can’t enjoy.
Growing up in the 80’s, all of my friends in high school enjoyed shopping in second-hand shops and took great delight in ‘competing’ to see who could get the best deal. It was fun to see how much we could stretch our money and show our parents that we could buy our own clothes with the money we were making at our various part-time jobs. I miss the old vintage stores from that era, now vintage is too expensive for most people to buy.
I’m never embarrassed buying second-hand or new clothes for my child, or myself. It’s not a big deal one way or the other and anyone who would judge someone on that is ridiculous. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing the right things for very good reasons and it’s no one’s business but your own.
Thank you so much Ceri for your kindness and encouragement! 🙂
I could write an article myself about this!!! My standard answer to questions was “those are our choices.”
When our kids were younger, I was a stay-at-home doing a lot of sewing, couponing, and a lot of DIY. We had one car and a neighbor thought she was being funny and suggested we build a second one.
Another implied our family of six was too large when I turned down a shopping trip to the blingy overpriced kids clothing store. Really? Clothes over my kids?!?
Things have changed dramatically since then, but we still do our own lawn care, landscaping, home dec, sewing, couponing. We have plenty of craigslist finds all around the house and find all of our home mades to be a great source of pride. (Not to mention the four kids 😉 )
Now our college kids get comments because they are commuter students when “everyone dorms.” They understand that decision means they’ll each have $40K less in student loan debt when they’re adults.
In short, run your own race. You’ll be raising strong adults 🙂
Thank you so much Em for your encouragement! I love your story – and you’re so right – we all have our own choices to make! 🙂
My husband and I have been living on a budget for ten years now, but I stopped working seven years ago. It has gotten harder. My husband has been laid off several times. He got tired of that happening with every company he worked and decided to go into business for himself. Though we are DEFINITELY six figures under it has been great to learn new things and save money. People are always shocked when I tell them we cannot afford things. We have been accused by family members and others as liars. My husband was frank with his mother and told her we live off $19,000 this past year; boy was she shocked. (At the time we had four daughters under the age of 8. As of 08/31/15 we have five daughters.) The Lord has blessed us greatly with wisdom and knowledge and we have learned how to make a lot of things. Also how to live like our grandparents and great-grandparents. He has also blessed us with gifts of clothing for our daughters and other things to provide for our needs. Even as my husband business grows (Praise the Lord!!!) I will never go back to living without a budget and using the wisdom and knowledge that has been gifted to us.
The one time my budget embarrassed me was when a friends mom asked about my oldest daughter’s dress which she complimented as being pretty. She asked me where I got it. I just blurted out, “Oh, I got it for $0.75 along with all of my other daughters’ dresses at the local Christian thrift store. They had a sale on children’s clothing this weekend.” After I said it I was greatly embarrassed. There were others around and not everyone is okay about shopping at thrift stores.
I love thrift stores, and I try not to be embarrassed. I have not bought too many clothing items for our daughters in years. A few moms at the church we attend I have ran into while out shopping have told me not to buy clothing for our children. They have decided to graciously give us their daughter’s clothing as they out grow them. My husband and I are truly grateful.
That is so incredible that others are so generous to you! I love hearing of how God works in all our lives to provide. 🙂
Be proud that we are so smart and savvy! For years it has been proclaimed that fashion is marked up 100% for designers’ profits.
So many contemporary clothes tend to be poorly made too. I want to learn to refashion some of my old but good clothes so they will be worn now. Unfortunately, I rely on a tailor at this time. Even so, I find it to be cost effective.
Interior designers have been thrifting and redesigning for years, too!
Thank you so much Michelle! I want to learn to use my sewing machine so I can refashion some of my clothes too! You’re super smart for using a tailor! 🙂
JoAnne’s and Michael’s stores near me have sewing classes. You might also ask at the local senior’s center if there is someone who can teach you. They are SO happy to be “needed” again.
I’ve never really been embarrassed about being on a budget. If anything, I’ve been embarrassed when I was NOT on a budget. It was completely mortifying to be at the checkout in a store and have to ask the clerk to void all your items because your card was declined.
That’s a great point Emily! I’ve definitely been there too!
I don’t really care where we get our clothes from, I still get my kids the characters they like from the thrift store and other ways and they are normally in gently used condition. We also don’t have a phone bill, or cable… I don’t feel like we are missing out at all.
I was born with very “cheap” genes, so embarrassment at being cheap, broke or poor (I’ve been all of the above somewhere along the way) was never an issue for me. But it was for my kids. I used to mortify them — poor souls — especially in retail settings where I had classic panic attacks when the total was repeated to me. I learned along the way that I really had to be careful about how that made my children feel (I failed pretty much every time, so yeah). Anyhow, they are grown now, and hindsight being what it is, I’m learning a different way to approach budget clothing for the most part. I now work in a high volume thrift store and I also have a darling little granddaughter who I love to buy clothes for (at my store mostly). One of my primary responsibilities at work is keeping our mannequins dressed and I’m also slowly attempting to build a side hustle of selling good finds online. So, I’ve started utilizing the big name, middle to high price clothing store websites for inspiration. I frequently download photos from their sites to use as my “Look Book” fodder and keep a close eye out for things that come into the store that will more or less achieve similar styles and looks. It takes time of course, which I realize isn’t always in high supply for folks, but it’s well worth carving maybe three to five hours a month out of your schedule to really get in and dig around for what you might find. Another great resource is garage sales, and of course online selling groups — local and otherwise. Once you know a place will carry some of the things you would gravitate toward, make that place first on your list every time. Same with online sellers. Some sellers (myself included) welcome people’s requests to help find specific items you might be looking for like, say a Red Hat, or a windbreaker for your toddler in powder blue or a specific brand name.
Thanks for the great site and the great article!