The debt-free journey is not easy, somehow we know this instinctively, but when things get hard we feel the urge to just give up. It can be hard to keep going no matter how much we want to become debt-free it just is not easy.
The thing is, the debt-free journey isn’t characterized by how much money you can throw at your debt, even though that’s definitely an important component, it is characterized by how much you’re willing to give up in order to achieve debt-freedom.
Wait, what do you mean give up?
Yes, I mean that becoming debt-free isn’t all about making plans, working a side hustle, and throwing money at the debt monster. It is about how much you are willing to give up and go without in order to pay off your debt.
In 2014, I gave up my beloved Tahoe in exchange for the ugliest car I have ever had (according to my dad and brother at least) and in order to dump over $18,000 of debt in one day. For me, that was a difficult sacrifice because I’m the American poster child of the “you are what you drive” belief. It was a very humbling experience and it brought us one-step closer to our debt-free drive.
However, there are not just big, obvious sacrifices to be made like giving up a car with a loan attached to it for a paid-for-in-cash one. There are harder sacrifices to be made, the kind that make you want to give up and throw in the towel.
For the past three years, I have not had a birthday present, Mother’s Day present, Christmas present, anniversary present, or any other type of present. At first, it wasn’t hard giving up those things because the energy of William Wallace was rushing through our debt-free journey but as the years go by and more and more sacrifices are made, it becomes harder to deal with.
“I mean, don’t I at least deserve a present on my birthday? Is that asking too much? Heck what about mother’s day – being a mom is the most exhausting and sometimes just flat-out no fun job I have ever had. Shouldn’t I at least be rewarded for my efforts with a little something special?”
It can be easy to let these negative thoughts take over, because it really is no fun not receiving special gifts on special days. No matter how fun it is watching your kids open their gifts on Christmas morning, but knowing that Santa didn’t leave you anything special under the tree because well, this is a debt-free Christmas. No credit cards, no in-store credits were taken out to purchase it, which means that you had to save and save and go without Mother’s, and Father’s Day presents in order to pay for Christmas in cash.
You know there’s a reward at the end of this long, tiring journey of never worrying over how you are going to be able to pay back money you’ve borrowed and being able to provide for your family in ways you were never able to before. But sometimes, that’s just not enough, we need more. We need that amazing new shirt at Target that is going to help us feel better about our post baby bodies and we need that fancy dinner date with our husbands because we are simply too exhausted to cook dinner tonight.
On days like this reminding myself of what our financial goals are is critical. We have to keep telling ourselves that there is a reason that we are giving up so much. That we are creating a better life and leading an amazing example for our children of what true financial freedom looks like. Keeping ourselves in debt is keeping ourselves in chains. We will never be able to realize our dream of owning our homestead, bringing my hubs home full-time to pursue his passions, giving our treasures like never before, and providing a financially sound life for our family with debt.
Keeping these reminders in front of us makes dealing with the difficult days of “I want this, I want that” easier to manage. Hold onto your goals and keep them in sight so you don’t forget why you are on this journey in the first place.
What is the hardest thing that you have to go without in order to become debt-free?
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At the moment, I am going without new clothes. And that is a BIG deal, believe me. I have diastasis recti and it’s bad. I look six months pregnant. As a result, I am 14 months postpartum and still wearing maternity clothes. Thankfully, my taste in maternity clothes tends toward the not-so-obvious items. I steer clear of shits that highlight the belly and tend toward clothes that downplay pregnancy, so it’s not like I am walking around with a big bow across my large belly. But I am also cheap with maternity clothes. I bought one pair of black pants and I would wear them practically ever day to work, sometimes rotating through a skirt or dress. So my wardrobe is VERY limited and it does really hurt my esteem right now. We are in the middle of some huge life changes, so finding time for my program (MuTu) to correct the condition is hard. But I know one day I will have time and I refuse to break down and buy size 14 or 16 clothes when underneath the distended belly lies a size 8 body.
We gave up travel during the time we paid off our debt, which meant we were not able to visit family. Very difficult for my wife not seeing her parents for over three years.
Oh I can imagine! That is so awesome though that y’all were able to give it up long enough to become debt-free!
My wife and I have never been in debt (except mortgage) and had to struggle to get out, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to give up things to ensure that it stays that way. The biggest thing we have given up is spontaneity (for the most part). We can’t just do things on a whim. But you know what I have found? We enjoy life more. Our budget is a reflection of what’s important to us, so we do more of those things and less of the things that just so happen catch our eye (like a kid in a candy shop). Good post!
Love it Luke! That is so awesome that you and your wife have never been in debt outside of the mortgage! And you’re so right, giving up spontaneity is a big thing to sacrifice at first but it so worth it to not have to panic when the Visa bill comes due! 🙂
Yes! It is so hard to give up things but it’s the only thing that really works. When people see we are out of debt or see that we bought a homestead and I stay home, they say things like “must be nice.” I just smile politely but I want to say “you don’t know what we’ve sacrificed to get to this point. You don’t know how hard we’ve worked and how much we’ve prayed!”
Oh I know how you feel Lydia! Sometimes I just wish I could beat it in everyone’s heads that they don’t have to have debt to live if they don’t want it. If there’s something that you truly want, you must sacrifice to get it before going into an enormous amount of debt over it. And congratulations Lydia on being debt-free and owning a homestead – that’s our ultimate dream and ten-year financial goal! 🙂
Take this with a grain of salt. We live frugally, out of choice more than necessity; but I’ve never had any debt that I couldn’t pay off immediately if I wanted to; I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But my personal opinion is, if you feel deprived, it makes it into a chore instead of a challenge. There are freebie or cheap offers around all the time, especially for photo presents – mugs with pictures of your kids, a calendar, etc. Or you can go to the Dollar Tree and pick something up. They may not necessarily be terrific presents, but there’s no reason you should go without birthday/Christmas/Mother’s Day/Father’s Day presents. Even having one or two dollar store presents to open up, makes it feel a little bit special. So you’ll have $2 or $5 or $10 less to pay off your debt – it’s not a great deal of money, and it’s worth it, if it makes you feel better about the choices you are making.
True, there are definitely ways around it, but I truthfully don’t need anything. I honestly have everything I need – I just need to remember that more often because those negative thoughts can get pretty loud. I would truthfully rather have no debt than a closet full of presents as I believe the real present at the end of this journey is that I can give better from what I have if I don’t have a mountain of debt on my back. 🙂
I love that you think that way. Presents are nice; but I kind of wish we could come to a universal agreement that adults shouldn’t exchange presents, or maybe only exchange presents with their significant others. At a certain stage you have everything you need, so why add to the clutter? And half the time it’s not something you actually want, or would ever choose for yourself, and you end up holding on to it out of guilt, and resenting it. It’d just be so much easier if we could say, “You know what? You’re a grown up, you don’t need anything, so Merry Christmas and here’s a card you can recycle in a week’s time.”
HAhahahaha! Yes, OMG, yes! I’ve told my hubs’ family that a zillion times but I guess they feel bad if my hubs and I don’t have anything to open. As terrible as it sounds, my hubs and I would just rather have the money or nothing at all. I actually started last year after Christmas, the next day taking everything that we didn’t want immediately to Goodwill. My hubs felt bad about because we literally never opened them or used them, but honestly we weren’t going to so I’d rather someone else get use out of them. 🙂
Great and inspiring article. As for me, I have given up anything luxury from shopping for new clothes to going on holidays. It is a painful sacrifice but I am focused on the end result.
Staying focused is the key and I love that you have such a great perspective Esther! I’m cheering for you! 🙂
Wow! I saw your latest budget with your husband’s $240 per month of blow money and $120/month on cigarettes. You’re a better woman than I because I would want something. Not necessarily because I’m materialistic (I’m not at all) but because I would want to mean enough to him that he can sacrifice $5-$10 of his $240/month to buy a small gift that says I’m important to him.